Sunday, December 31, 2006

This Guy Hasn't Been Fired Yet?

The Giants secured the last playoff spot last night.

Dallas lost to the Lions (I told you the Falcons and the Cowboys are in many respects the same team). Consequently, Andy Reid has benched the Eagles starters.

It's officially garbage time for the Atlanta Falcons.

Why is Jim Mora on the sidelines and not at home wiping his kids' tears and getting an appointment for a U-Haul?

Oh, I guess it'll be soon enough until the long nightmare is over. While ya'll are counting down to the new year, I'll be counting down the seconds until Jim Mora is fired.

For the rest of you who can't wait, here's a nice obituary comprehensive article about why Mora sucks and has to go from the AJC.

Update: Mora is a jacksass. After Reid benches his starters in the first quarter, Jim Mora keeps playing ours. (You're getting fired, Jimmy. Nothing can save you.) Vick gets hurt in the third quarter and leaves the game. Mora keeps playing the other starters. Mora is a jackass.

Friday, December 29, 2006

Hence the Title - ESPN Slacks Off During a Slow News Week

This post isn't so much of a T.O. apology as it is a general criticism of ESPN.

I guess it was too slow of a news week for ESPN because Joe Theismann went on a rant on Mike and Mike In the Morning (on Monday) about how Terrell Owens is not a great wide receiver anymore. He is just good. Of course, there was some other bullshit about how awful a human being Owens is and how he ruins teams. ESPN then chose to make this rant "news". Just about all the radio and TV shows replayed Joe's comments and various other analysts (including Mike Ditka) chimed in to agree.

First of all, whatever Joe Theismann thinks does not constitute news.

Second of all, the comment that Terrell Owen is no longer great is just plain stupid. And when ESPN employs analysts who make stupid comments and then highlights said idiocy, it undermines the Worldwide Leader's credibility. Even if it was true that Owens is merely good, it's hardly as if good receivers are a dime a dozen in the NFL. But Owens is still great. Arguably, he is not as great as he was. But he is the league leader in receiving TD's. That stat is prima facie evidence of greatness. You can't count drops if you're not going to count touchdowns. Theismann's proclomation was shockingly stupid considering that Owens got the Cowboys their only 7 points during the loss to the Eagles. And Owens is playing off a broken hand and a current torn tendon. He is fucking practicing catching balls with his palms. Palms! That's work ethic. You can't conveniently ignore Owens' injuries. Joe Theismann is a jackass.

But it keeps going.

Terence Newman, cornerback for the Dallas Cowboys, made some statements considering the mouthing off of certain Cowboys.

"Some people just talk a big game, and they think that they are doing the
team justice by pumping up themselves and doing a lot of that when the reality
is they come out and just get abused. People need to just start playing and stop
talking so much."

Now when I heard the comment, I didn't think he was talking about Terrell Owens. After all, Newman is clearly calling out teammates who are talking but aren't playing. But, as I laid out about above, Owens is a talker AND a playmaker. Of course, ESPN spent a whole rotation of Sportscenter insinuating the comments were about Owens and that the team had turned on him.

Today, ESPN's spin was specifically addressed by the Cowboys. Terrell said that Newman wasn't talking about him. Why? Because he talked to do the dude and cleared it up. Thanks, T.O. That's more investigative reporting than ESPN will ever do. Then Terence Newman specifically said on camera that he was absolutely not talking about Terrell Owens and that their relationship was fine. As ESPN played Newman's comments exculpating Owens on Sportscenter, they did not apologize for their baseless insinuations. Instead, they simultaneously ran a montage of all of Terrell's drops, expressions and sideline conversations. ESPN is full of jackasses.

And, the ESPN "analysts" continue a general theme of saying things like, "I don't think Terrell Owens will be a Cowboy next year." Why the fuck would anybody think that? Now if Parcells wants to leave, that's his prerogative. However, I can't begin to understand why anybody thinks Terrell Owens is going to be forced out of Dallas. First of all, Jerry Jones loves the drama. The Cowboys are getting national coverage every single day. As far as Jones is concerned, that's the type of coverage "America's Team" deserves. Don't forget he called Terrell Owens "heroic" (basically snitching on Owens' tendon injury to take the heat of his favorite playmaker). Heard anything about the beef between Owen and WR Coach Todd Haley lately? Nope. Jones long ago made it known that Haley could hit the pavement if he couldn't deal with Owens. And even if Jones was forced to choose between Parcells and Owens, I think I know who he would choose. .500 Parcells (as a Cowboy coach)? Or Terrell Owens, who has "coincidentally" joined the team and lead them into the playoffs as a contender?

There has to be better things to discuss than Terrell Owens. NFC Playoffs? Bowl games? Anything, ESPN. Otherwise, I'm turning the channel.

Thursday, December 28, 2006

NBC Is Not Your Pimp, Antonio

Once again, I'm offering you relationship advice, Antonio Romo (or as The Man likes to call you, Tony Romo). If you knew what was good for you, you would listen up.

NBC put you on blast on Christmas Day, Antonio. Not only did you have to suffer the indignity of being exposed as the second best Mexican quarterback in the NFL, NBC showed the world that you have absolutely no game. Zero. They had to "induce" your dream girl, Carrie Underwood, to come see the national viewing audience you play on Christmas day.

Did you think it was you, Antonio?

Sure, you're young, handsome and rich, but let me give you a dose of reality. Carrie just got out of a long term relationship. She kissed some young, handsome dude at the Billboard Music Awards a few weeks ago. And the cameras revealed ZERO body chemistry between you and Carrie (although Romo was grinning like a jackal, Carrie maintained stiff arm distance at all times). That girl doesn't want you, boy.

Instead she is after the best mate for a trophy girl like herself. And that man's name is spelled P-U-B-L-I-C-I-T-Y. Do you think Al and John wanted to discuss Carrie Underwood? You think she was discussed in the production meetings right between 3rd down conversions and crossing routes? Who paid for those box seats? Who made sure the cameras were watching for a mystery visitor with a field pass?

Instead, it was a thinly veiled staging. NBC gets to appeal to the ladies already intrigued by your faux relationship with Jessica Simpson that might be stuck watching football with the family. (BTW, the latest is that your fake girlfriend Jessica was passed over by her crush, John Mayer, for Alicia Keys.) And Carrie gets an audience bigger than her country music audience to announce herself as an "it" girl.

It's sad that NBC has to play pimp matchmaker for you, but Antonio, I'm not hating. If you can hit, hit it. From the back, from the side, all that. But don't fall for the okey doke. Maybe you were joking when you told a reporter that you were dating Underwood or maybe even Carrie told you that ya'll were a couple. But Underwood is using you, Romo. And she'll probably just leave you for Derek Jeter first chance she gets.

State of the Falcons - Better Late Than Never

I usually post about the Falcons after every game, but I didn't post after the Cowboys game. No, I was not huddled in the fetal position overwhelmed with shame and confusion. I attended the game and took photos. I wanted to post the photos but it took me a while to get through them.

Let's relive the moments.

Cheerleaders were there.

Click here for more cheerleaders.

The GameDay Crew was there.

ESPN sent Ed Werder to stay on the trail of the snitch.

Ludacris was there.

From Ludacris

Bill Parcells was there and he's not as fat as he looks on TV.

T.O. was there.

( body stay vicious. I be up in the gym just workin' on my fitness)

Am I a fan or stalker? Click here to decide. I can't help it that my seats were on the Cowboys side of the field. And you have no proof that I deliberately sought out said tickets. Unlike T.O., I won't confess without evidence.

Drew Bledsoe is still alive and happily wearing his trademark visor.

But Antonio Ramiro Romo is still the quarterback.

A game was played.

Click here for more game pics.

Records were set.

The Falcons tried prayer.

And Michael Vick tried his best...

But Owens celebrated in our endzone. (That's DeAngela Hall on the ground.)

T.O. left the dome victorious.

And Arthur Blank pondered the future for the Falcons.

So that was the game. Even though we lost, it was a good game. Great atmosphere although there were a lot of Cowboys fans (many of whom root for the Falcons the other 15 weeks of the year). If the Falcons weren't in dire straits, I could've accepted that loss as a defeat handed down by the better team on that night.

Of course, the story from that game was Spit-gate. But I have to tell you, on a scale of 1 to 10, the sympathy for DeAngela Hall down here in the ATL is about a 1. No one is mad at Owens. (Deep down, many fans regret that he wasn't signed to the Falcons during the offseason.) Fans are mostly mad at DeAngelo Hall for not doing his job and going on his petty tirade against Owens.

Curiously, the anger against Hall unleashed a general fury. No more Gregg Knapp as a sacrificial lamb. Mora's got to go. Rich McKay, who has amazingly avoided widespread criticism, is now officially under the bus.

We are numb after losing to Carolina, although we aren't surprised a Falcons offense with one of the elite NFL athletes leading the charge, great kickers, a Pro Bowl tight end and two 1000 yard rushers managed to only score 3 points. We are reeling from the emasculation that Carolina laid down on us. They were running a high school offense. They were snapping the ball to the running back. It was just ridiculous. But again, not surprising that the coaches didn't respond.

The good news - and yes, there is good news - is that the long nightmare will likely be ending this week in Philly (or maybe this Saturday night). You'll never get me to admit that I want the Falcons to lose, but I'll likely be previewing head coaching candidates next week.

I'm Not Your Superwoman

I haven't posted in a few days and I've felt bad about it. But I had shit to do and I have enough sense to not do too much. Several excellent blogs came through with holiday postings including The Big Lead, I Dislike Your Favorite Team and Deadspin. They're better than me and I accept that. But I had to work, entertain my family (my mother knocked on my door at 10 a.m. and asked, "Do you have any wine?" Just so you know what I'm dealing with...), watch football and knock back a few brews. I'm sure you did some combination of the same. But did you have to cook, lazy mofos? I did.

Here is the evidence of my labor...

Turducken (turkey stuffed with duck, chicken and seafood dressing)

From Christmas Dis...

From Christmas Dis...

Tiramisu Cake

From Christmas Dis...

Creme Fraiche Apple Pear Pie

From Christmas Dis...

Assorted Mini Cheesecakes

From Christmas Dis...

From Christmas Dis...

Sweet Potato Puffs

From Christmas Dis...

Trifle with Red Velvet and Pound Cake, Strawberries and Marscapone Cream

From Christmas Dis...

Do you know how much time it takes to make a turducken? And I also made some collard greens, macaroni and cheese and some mixed chard. What did you make for the holidays? Did you pick up the ham? Did you even wash a dish? Lazy mofos...

So don't judge me for not blogging. I've been busy.

Thursday, December 21, 2006

Wait a Minute... I Thought Larry Johnson Loved Black People

After proclaiming his love for Herman Edwards and all things Black, Larry Johnson is now presumably criticizing Edwards by saying that the Chiefs offense is too predictable.

"When you do the same things over and over again, a good defense ... they're going to do things to stop you...

We need to sit down and change something. This is getting ridiculous. Everybody is saying, 'Oh, it's fine, it's OK.' I don't know who in their mind thinks this is OK. This is nothing that's OK. We need to change a lot of it.

I'm getting tired of hearing that 'We'll get 'em next week' speech. We need to really start sitting down and knowing what we need to do to put points on the board and what we need to do to do win games."

Now, this is quite unexpected from the man who went on HBO and praised Edwards for finally being the homie he could play for. Now he doesn't like his speeches!

But Johnson's affection to Edwards wasn't misplaced. Like a good, loyal Black friend, Edwards finds a way not to give Johnson the smackdown he deserves.

"Obviously, he's frustrated. And there's a lot of frustrated players here... (Johnson) is frustrated. And he's not the only guy frustrated. There's a lot of guys frustrated. Coaches are frustrated, too. We've got to handle it. We'll handle it in-house. And that's how we do it."

Maybe Edwards should be frustrated that Johnson publicly threw the coach, the offensive coordinator and the offensive line under the bus. Maybe he should be frustrated because Johnson will apparently say the first thing that comes to his mind without regard to the venue or even common sense. But I'm definitely frustrated with Edwards and I think this will be my last season on the Herm bandwagon.

A Reprieve for the Dallas Mavericks

So Allen Iverson has been traded to the Denver Nuggets... Generally, I think this is a good look for Allen. He's going to winning team with a superstar in Carmelo Anthony. I don't think he's going to have trouble playing with Carmelo or anyone else. Remember he played great with Eric Snow Sixers. The Nuggets are a running team and, with Allen, they'll be able to abuse visiting teams in high altitude Denver. And, most importantly, vintage thug (Allen) and nouveau thug (Carmelo) join forces to give David Stern nightmares.

The Dallas Mavericks should be exhaling. Because, Allen Iverson didn't go to the Minnesota Timberwolves, that means Kevin Garnett is still available.

The Mavericks organization has shown their commitment to winning. Cubes has taken that team from zeroes to heroes in record time. But if Cuban wants the ultimate prize, he has to know that he is not going to win a ring with Dirk Nowitski as the team's centerpiece. I have nothing against Dirk. He is one of the best of the league. However, he doesn't have that "it" factor that will allow him to lead any team to a championship. He was basically nonexistent during the Mavericks' last playoff appearance. Real stars don't disappear during the playoffs. Don't let the stats fool you. Dirk simply doesn't have the heart to get it done when it counts. Heart, not stats or experience, is the difference between, say, Dwyane Wade and Dirk Nowitski. And "heart" can't be developed. There is no next year. You either have the heart to get it done or you don't. And Dirk doesn't have the heart to give the Mavericks fans what they want.

Please, Dallas, don't be like the Lakers who waited a season or two too long to trade Shaq. Love Shaq, but there was a narrow window where he sufficiently left a legacy in LA and still had unprecedented trade value. We all knew Kobe-Shaq wasn't going to last. For a hot minute, the Lakers could've gotten two superstars for Shaq. Instead, they waited until he diminished physically and openly forced a trade. That's why they have Kwame Brown now.

Please, Dallas, don't fall into the Chris Webber trap. He strung fans along for years, letting us believe he was great instead of just good. Every year, the Kings went one series deeper toward the finals. Every year, the fans apologized for Webber believed that the Kings would overcome the then dominant Lakers. And, then, one day the fans (including myself) had to wake up. Chris Webber was never going to get it done. He wasn't who we thought he was. Bum knees or soft spirit, the writing was on the wall with Chris Webber for some time. Learn from the mistakes of the Webber refugees, Dallas.

Mavericks, I can't make any promises regarding Kevin Garnett. But I do know that Dirk Nowitski is not the savior of the franchise. At least Garnett still has the possibility of upside.

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

What T.O. Should've Done

I'm sure this will be a series.

As a T.O. apologist and a lawyer and an imaginary friend of T.O., I figure what's the harm of offering him some free advice when he missteps? The advice he pays good money for isn't doing him much good.

With regard to D-Hall Spitgate, T.O. should have:

1. Appealed the fine

The fine was excessive. Owens should be penalized for the offense, not for being T.O. That's not fair. Sean Taylor was fined $17,500 for intentionally spitting on someone on for the viewing audience's displeasure. Owens' fine shouldn't have been any higher, adjusted for inflation. The fact that Owens is a higher profile athlete who has more impact on the image on the NFL is balanced by the lack of video replays that would allow the incident be dragged out even longer.

2. Regardless of whether the fine was reduced, matched the fine with a charitable contribution

Ironically, Owens was doing a visit at a Dallas children's hospital the day the fine was announced. It would've been nice if he made a contribution to that hospital or another children's organization. That way he could have a platform to apologize to the kids for sending a bad message about sportsmanship and how to appropriately deal with frustration. As a bonus, this could be the basis for another "Little T" children's book.

3. Buy DeAngela Hall a $500 gift card to Victoria's Secret

Why? Because DeAngela needs panties. Lots of them. He is a whiny bitch. (I am going to stop making fun of DeAngela one day, but not today.) And because it would be funny. Owens could maintain his edginess and continue his punishment of Hall, given that Hall has lost a lot of man points for how he handled the situation in many fans' eyes. The media would talk about it for days, thus giving Owens a little positive publicity out of a bad situation.

Deion Sanders, The Jesse Jackson of the NFL

Praise be! It's a Christmas miracle.

DeAngelo Hall has forgiven Terrell Owens for spitting on him. But has he forgiving him for scoring 2 touchdowns and humiliating him for 4 quarters?

Deion Sanders did something that 12 year old girls do - place a three way call - to get himself, DeAngelo and Terrell on the phone to clear the air.

Some things to note.

Even though the headlines paint DeAngelo as the bigger person, Terrell had been trying to confront DeAngelo for days about the issue. But DeAngelo wouldn't even pick up the phone. Yeah, that's real big of you, DeAngelo. Ducking phone calls is okay for bill collector, but not because you don't want to deal with big boy issues.

Deion Sanders peace brokering may have something to do with how Deion ambushed Owens on the air. With friends like that... That was especially inappropriate given that Deion basically relied solely on what DeAngelo said and then threw his boy under the bus on national TV. Now that there's peace, Terrell will have a better chance to recover from the incident.

BTW, will Owens v. Hall become the new rivalry du jour? Better than Kobe/Shaq? I hope the Falcons and the Cowboys meet in the playoffs. I suspect that the Falcons and the Cowboys will play twice next year. Sorry, DeAngelo. You better start stretching or something.

I Demand a Recount

The Pro Bowl isn't even a good popularity contest anymore.

Some players got jobbed. Some players apparently employed Master P's Dancing with the Stars voting "consultants" to get their spot.

There's too much injustice in the world for one woman to cure, but I'll just address some of my favorites. There are going to be alot of exclamation points in this post, so I apologize in advance.


Terrell Owens

DeAngelo Hall must have hacked into the computer and stolen his votes. He is the league leader in touchdowns!!! (And I don't care what Joe Buck says about his drops.) He is playing with a broken hand and torn tendons!!! He is reason #1 that Dallas is potentially on a Superbowl run, after being mediocre for the balance of the Bill Parcells era. And he would've done a good dance in a Honolulu endzone... I wonder who jobbed him. The players? The coaches? The fans? According to the SI poll, the player haters think T.O. is the most overrated player in the league. That's just fucking ridiculous. Steve Smith has not had a good year. And Anquan Boldin over T.O.? You can't be serious.

Marques Colston

Until he was injured, the Saints rookie was leading the league in touchdowns. And I say, if you can outperform T.O. on a major stat , you should go to Hawaii.

Tom Brady

I'm not even a Tom Brady slurper, but he lost all his receivers and his girlfriend this season. Cut the dude some slack. I mean, if the Pro Bowl is a popularity contest, how can Tom Brady not be there?

Michael Vick

I thought the world finally knew that the receivers are the problem in Atlanta, not Vick. Vick is Superman. The team is underacheiving, but it's not Vick's fault. And, again, if it's a popularity contest, how can one of the league's most exciting players not go to Hawaii. Marc Bulger? His team has a 6-8 record and he and Vick have the same amount of touchdowns. Antonio Romo has only played 8 games and might have the best receiving core in the league. Yeah, he's doing all the work.

Reggie Bush

Not that he really deserves it based on play, but I thought he was so goddamn popular?

Michael Koenen

No disrespect to Dallas' punter, but Atlanta Falcons' punter Michael Koenen is a hell of a kicker. He was doing double duty earlier this season on punts and field goals, but ever since he's been focusing on punts exclusively, he's been a beast. But nobody pays attention to kickers.


Shawne Merriman

Suspended for 4 games for juicing and he gets a free trip to the Pro Bowl and the corresponding financial bonus? Doesn't a conviction for juicing mean that you had an unfair disadvantage over other players? Simply nonsensical.

DeAngelo Hall

I know T.O. didn't vote for him, but I can't imagine who else did (Okay, I did, but I voted early and I was being a homer). This dude got spit on and his own hometown fans don't come to his defense! He got burned by Hines Ward wearing one shoe! That is not Pro Bowl caliber play.

Alge Crumpler

Yeah, I voted for him too, but Crumpler is a contributing member of the esteemed Falcons receiving core Drop, Drop & Drop LLP.

Chad Johnson

Anyone who had to shave their mohawk because they got shut down (courtesy of the Falcons) should not be allowed to go to the Pro Bowl. That should be a rule. Isn't Who'sYourMama more productive than Chad? But Johnson is popular, so I'm more prone to let this selection slide.

Tiki Barber

Is the Pro Bowl nod supposed to be some kind of tribute or something? He's not even the best back on his team.

I know I shouldn't be worked up at all over what is essentially a beauty pageant, but come February, I am usually in a distressed state and desperate enough for football to watch the Pro Bowl. However the crap fest they have planned this year makes me want to start brushing up on my arena football knowledge.

Fashion Round Up

Welcome Matsuzaka-san to the USA! (Or is it Daisuke-san?... I can't remember). In a matter of hours, you modeled several fantastic, fashion forward looks ranging from an ultra trendy bubble coat to the traditional suit and tie look.

I think Dice-K's O blood type means fashionista, not just warrior.

Daryl Johnston might be new Merril Hoge. Brown textured jacket (can't tell if it was corduroy or velvet) with a orange and a green tie paired with a printed silk pocket square. This outfit is bordering on garish, especially in high definition, but Johnston has a lot of confidence in his fashion game, so I'm feeling him.

Michael Irvin has to be mentioned every round up, so let me just pay him his customary compliment and move on. Michael Irvin looks great in this tan suit. Notice the double breast style, a little narrower than the traditional proportion. And I love the red-orange tie.

Elbow patches, Deion? Elbow Patches? And with the collar trim and the contrasting vest? Burn this suit

Old school tough. Old school fashion. Hitmans Isiah Thomas wears pink and if you don't like it, he will send somebody after you to fuck you up. We love you, godfather.

Not only is Jim Mora taking time away from game preparation by doing offending Falcons fans on Seattle radio stations, he clearly spends a lot of time coordinating his outfits. Pretty boy bastard....

This is a joke, right? Michael Wilbon, that tie is a joke, right? Just go back to your normal goofy looking no tie look.

Can't slurp Irvin's flamboyant suit game every week and slight the classics. A beautiful, expensive camel coat works great on Derrin Horton.

Did you know Big Boi of Outkast is designing uniforms?

Even first time designers can do better than the hideous Wizards alternate uniform. No slight to Gilbert "Hibachi" Arenas. He's just a victim.

These are Reggie Miller's socks. It's too bad one of the great fundamental players felt necessary to break so many fashion rules. Brown suits and gray striped socks don't go together. That's just lazy, Reggie.

Julio Lugo may have gotten a nice contract with the Red Sox, but 55 Problems thinks he's just David Ortiz' accessory, lol.

Speaking of accessories, look at Chad Johnson's shoes. He clearly wants you to. The pictures are of his touchdowns from this season.

Jamie Duke has the nerve to brazenly bite my fashion round up by doing some stupid segment called "Duke's Duds." And he wears this awful bright yellow jacket at 3oo+ pounds? Please...

Joey Porter called Kellen Winslow a fag. But Joey is wearing a bright yellow bomber and has lines on his haircut that surely must be the product of some serious OCD and most certainly require a significant amount of time in the barber chair every week (not to mention, some hair dye might be involved). Who's more faggity? You decide. ..

Willie Parker is trendy in the printed hoodie. You famously see this on Beyonce.

Not casting aspersions on Willie. It's a trend for women AND men.

The season's almost over and Eli Manning's tie is still crooked. Cornball...