Monday, January 22, 2007

I Hate Peyton Manning

I'm a bad person. Harboring hate for another human being makes me a bad person.

I don't even know Peyton Manning. The worst thing he's ever done to me is parade around in jean shorts.

However, even after his triumphant victory yesterday, I have no more respect for Manning. Instead, I'm rationalizing by thinking that the Colts didn't beat the best Patriots team. There's nobody on that roster. And I'm delighting at the possibility that Peyton could go to the Superbowl and lose to possibly the worst quarterback ever, Rex Grossman. That would be deliciously ironic. That would be hilarious. There would be no dignity in the "best" quarterback losing to that bum in the big game. And that's the outcome I'm rooting for.

Like I said, my hate for Peyton is irrational. It's not really him. He's a good player. I'm not blind. It's all the analysts who tithe to him season after season. He is the Great White Hope. Even last week, after he stunk it up in two playoff games, his followers still believed he would win. Their faith was dumbfounding to me.

The truth is I'm jealous. I have no Great Black Hope. Maybe if I had my own Great Black Hope to cherish, I would be more secure in myself and not have to be so angry at the Great White Hope.

I don't know about my prognosis though. I don't really put people up on pedestals. But I've got to do something about my hate for Peyton. It can't be good for me.

Coming soon: An introspective examination of my hate for Kobe Bryant.

6 comments:

bosshog said...

Manning is hardly a great white hope. In order to qualify as a great white hope, the field has to be dominated by black people, such as heavy weight boxing or basketball. The QB position is still dominated by white dudes. Ron Mexico however is in fact the great black hope, although hope is fading fast. He stinks it up week after week and the media is scared to criticize him for fear of being Rush Limbaughed. Every once in a while he has a good scramble and then everyone jumps on his nuts and calls him an elite QB.

Head Chick said...

Vick is my boy and everything, but hitch the Great Black Hope wagon to Ron Mexico? Nah. I'm definitely going to pass on that option.

MWCB said...

I'm sure I'm going to get the "it's my blog" retort, but three posts, three race-themed discussions? Anyway, I laughed when I saw this again; http://leave-the-man-alone.blogspot.com/2007/01/so-if-michael-vick-starts-to-misplace.html . It appears that Mike decided to treat his symptoms the natural way, with herbs. Just not the herbs you suggested...

Miguel said...

Vince Young is the Great Black Hope.

Vegan Viking said...

Jason Sehorn was the last "great white hope" in the NFL, for being the last white starting CB in the league.

Mike said...

I know how you feel. My hate for Peyton Manning sometimes consumes me. Just watching his down-syndrome features twist into what can only be assumed to be some sick idea of a satisfied grin is enough for me to consider if a life in jail is in fact worth a world without an ugly, deformed white man with an extra chromosome prancing around like he's an MVP quarterback.
His offensive line is INCREDIBLE! Why doesn't anyone talk about his offensive line?!! He has all fucking day to throw. Wow, real impressive Peyton. Chris Leak could win the NFL MVP if he had Peyton's O-Line. If Peyton is going to win the MVP, his offensive line should all get co-MVPs first.

Long story short--I sometimes worry about my health as well, it cannot be good to hate someone as much as I hate "#18". Then again, it's not my fault he is such a sorry sack of shit.

Finally, my apologies to all the wonderful down-syndromed people out there. I am soooo sorry to have compared that awful man to you.