State of the Falcons - The Monster.Com Edition

Hey. The Atlanta Falcons are looking for a head coach. Know anybody?

What we are looking for

1. wins (life coaches and other Tony Robbins types need not apply). Although we have never had two winning seasons in a row, we fancy ourselves winning a Superbowl in the NEAR future.
2. optimization of Michael Vick/creative offense
3. optimization of roster full of Pro Bowlers, 1st round draft picks and other expensive bums who need to come through if Rick McKay wants to keep his job
4. improved defense would be nice

Winning and Vick are the two main concerns. We might hire a winner who will ultimately underutilize/misuse Vick. Obviously, the wins would be acceptable. However, the ideal coach is one who could win and showcase ALL the skills Michael Vick has.

And that is the quandary the Falcons are in. We've gotten rid of Mora, but will we be better off? How many coaches can really play with the personnel they have, rather than try to fit personnel into a "system?" Not many, if any.

THE CANDIDATES

Ken Whisenhunt

Who is he? Offensive Coordinator for the Pittsburgh Steelers, Former Falcon player

Pros/Cons - He is just a coordinator. We've already been down that untested coordinator road with Mora. However, Mora came from the struggling 49ers and Whisenhunt comes from the Superbowl winning Pittsburgh Steelers. Big difference. Whisenhunt is being interviewed on Thursday

Also, the Steelers are one of those "system" teams. Although it's a successful system, one of the big frustrations with the Falcons is the underutilization of Michael Vick. Even if someone like Whisenhunt was able to be successful, he would be criticized if we felt Vick wasn't doing enough. Remember, that's how Dan Reeves got fired.


Norm Chow

Who is he? Offensive Coordinator for the Tennessee Titans

Pros/Cons - He's just a coordinator. See above. However, he's offensive minded and dynamic. He's been successful at USC. And given that he's coached up Vince Young in record time, I suspect he'll know what to do with Michael Vick. Chow may prefer the Arizona job so that he could be reunited with Matt Leinart and his facial scruff.

Also, it would be funny to have an Asian coach in Atlanta. Atlanta's so Black/White, it would be an amusing social experiment to see how his backers shake out. I guess Buford Highway will have to raise up.

Mike Martz

Who is he? Former St. Louis Rams Head Coach, Current Detroit Lions Offensive Coordinator

Pros/Cons - Offensive minded, but no track record of getting the big wins. He could work if paired with a good defensive coordinator.


Jeff Fisher

Who is he? Head Coach for the Tennessee Titans

Pros/Cons - There are no cons. Do you see what he's doing with V-Yizzle? Buy him out! He's all about the benjamins.


Joe DeCamillis

Who is he? Special teams coordinator for the Falcons.

Pros/Cons - I'm not sure what the precedent for the leap from head of special teams to head coach is, but DeCamillis would be a great in-house choice. He's very familiar with the personnel, given that he's survived both the Reeves and the Mora eras. Joe has always shown creativity and made the most of the players he's been given. I would be happy if the Falcons made this choice.


Steve Mariucci

Who is he? Former Detroit Lions coach, NFLN analyst, Deion Sanders' BFF

Pros/Cons - Please, God, let's not even consider this.


Deion Sanders

Who is he? Former Falcon, Flamboyant dresser

Pros/Cons - Please, God, let's not even consider this.


Tyrone Willingham

Who is he? University of Washington Head Coach

Pros/Cons - He and Mora could switch jobs and Atlanta would support a Black coach, but he's not ready.


Lovie Smith

Who is he? Chicago Bears Head Coach

Pros/Cons - He's got a job, but I don't see no ring on that finger. The Bears have not extended his contract and are known for being cheap. Smith is currently the lowest paid coach in the NFL. Blank could throw the benjamins at him.

Lovie is a winner, but might be a system guy that will underutilize Vick. Also, he has a, um, non-Black wife and his reception in Atlanta might be interesting. I'm just keeping it real.


Denny Greeen

Who is he? Former Arizona Cardinals Head Coach

Pros/Cons - I actually like Denny as a coach. Three years ago, he would have been a good choice. But he's damaged goods now. Moving on...


Dan Reeves

Who is he? Former Atlanta Falcons Head Coach

Pros/Cons - Okay, Dan. The grass was not greener on the other side. We were wrong. We admit it. However, even if you've learned from your mistakes, we can't rewrite history. But, still, you are an intriguing candidate.


Rich Rodriguez/Chris Petersen

Who are they? College coaches from West Virginia and Boise State, respectively, known for creative offenses

Pros/Cons - They are college coaches and there is no proof that their offensive antics will translate to the the NFL. But I like the creativity.


Dick Vermeil

Who is he? Former Kansas City Chiefs Head Coach, Coors Spokesman, Crier, Scratchy Throat Booth Announcer

Pros/Cons - We're leery of hiring another player's coach. And we need someone that we have confidence who can get to the Superbowl. Vick isn't getting any younger.


AND MY #1 CHOICE....

JIMMY JOHNSON

Who is he? Former Dolphins Head Coach, NFL on Fox co-host, guy with full head of hair

Pros/Cons - I realize this is a long shot, but he really would be the slam dunk pick. You can tell from his broadcasts that Johnson is genuinely intrigued by Vick. He's been slurping him for a long time now. Johnson is a winner and has worked with plenty of great talent, and he has never squandered a lick of it. And, although we want to win, Atlanta would be a relatively low pressure situation. There's already plenty of talent on the squad and we've got a deep pocket Cuban-like owner. And Atlanta's a warm and pleasant town with good shopping and restaurants and if he wants to fish, he won't be too far away from Florida. I betcha Blank would even give him a plane to do so. And the NFL on Fox is a sinking ship ever since JB left and they passed Pam over. And Jimmy's got to be sick of Terry Bradshaw by now. Aren't we all?