Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Dirty Birds Off the Chain

Apparently, Michael Vick's water bottle incident was the first in a chain of shiteous incidents concerning the Atlanta Falcons in the offseason.

By now you've heard Justin Babineaux is in deep shit for allegedly killing his girlfriend's dog. (Alleged) heartless son of a bitch. Justin and his girlfriend had a verbal argument. She goes to the movies to cool off. Babineaux calls his girlfriend during the movie and tells her she needs to come home and check on her puppy. When the girl arrived, the dog was in "severe physical distress" and vomited blood on the way to the emergency room. The puppy was pronounced dead at the hospital. The (alleged) heartless son of a bitch, Babineaux, is facing 1 to 5 years on felony cruelty to animals. The authorities believe Babineaux's account of what happened to be inconsistent with what happened to the dog.


Former Atlanta Falcon, Ashley Ambrose, was arrested for attacking his wife and preventing her from calling 911.

Ambrose was confronted on Feb. 9 by his wife, Monica E. Ambrose, 33, about marital problems when Ambrose became enraged, according to the report. Monica Ambrose told police that her husband said he was going to kill her and pushed her in the face, according to the report. Ashley Ambrose then threw a glass vase at her after she struck him back in self-defense, according to the report.

When she went for a cell phone to call 911, Ashley's brother, Naim Shakir, 24, tackled her and held her down while Ashley Ambrose kicked her in the side and hit her in the face, according to the report.

Nice. It takes more than an Ashley to do the job. You gotta get help from another punk. Fortunately, his two children were reportedly asleep during the incident.


New offensive coordinator, Hue Jackson, apparently needs to lose 20 pounds to get in a fabulous sequined dress and has consequently gotten on the Beyonce diet (officially known as the master cleanse diet) as part of "a holistic approach that conveys from body to mind and has allowed the Los Angeles native to forsake prejudgment on anything he has viewed, seen or heard about the players he's about to inherit, teach and counsel — particularly quarterback Michael Vick." This isn't Dreamgirls! This is football! Eat, bitch!!!! We can't afford to have the offensive coordinator altered because of starvation drunk hunger calling the quarterback talking about "life." Still, the Color Jackson claims that Vick has responded very well and that he's a very dynamic man.

1 comment:

Gangsta D said...

I'm just glad Vick doesn't appear to be the biggest screw-up on the team.