Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Shocking, Shocking News

Professional wrestlers take steroids.

In some of the most adept investigative reporting ever, the AFP is reporting that several WWE wrestlers take steroids.

WWE world champion Kurt Angle is one of the accused. However, something tells me there's not going to be much of a movement to take back his titles.

Of course wrestlers use steroids. How else could you get a body like this?

And, boy, do the wrestlers put things in perspective. Gary Matthews is a candy ass. Who cares if you use a little HGH. That's like taking children's vitamins, son. Wrestler Randy Orton (pictured above) takes SIX different steroids.

And have the scourge of steroids been so bad for wrestling? I think David Stern would kill somebody for WWE ratings.

The meatheads should be considered guinea pigs for the rest of sports. Steroids have been an open secret in wrestling for decades. The wrestlers have perfected how to use the drugs for looks, performance and avoiding injury. They know how to use them for effect and its reasonable to assume they know how to use them safely. These guys wrestle all year round. Consider the results someone looking to get through a season a few months long could benefit.

Some snot nosed chemist is always going to stay ahead of the leagues. Please put the ESPN hacks out of business. Just legalize it already.

If sports were my boyfriend, I would say "Baby, if you're going to cheat, play by the rules. Be discreet and be safe."

To that end, the leagues should start considering limiting their concern about performance enhancing drugs to safety only. Clearly, the players are going to use these drugs whether the leagues like it or not. There's simply too much at stake. Even if they get caught, the millions they receive in the meantime will counter any punishment they suffer. So there's nothing left to do but to turn to the players. Ask them what issues they are seeking to address by taking the drugs and what their preferred drugs are. Evaluate which are the best and safest drugs for speed, endurance and healing. Let the players submit new drugs for consideration as they become available. Then allow them up to the safest levels. Let the players decide if and how much of those selected drugs they want to take. The leagues should be accomodating. But if drug tests exceed approved levels or if the players have unapproved drugs in their system, then throw the book at 'em.

If sports were my boyfriend, I would say to him, "Baby, don't lie."

The lies are what's most harmful to the sport, the athletes and the fans. There are not many lies in wrestling. I know the match results are pre-determined. I know they take steroids. But I enjoy it all the same. Maybe some other sports need to learn that lesson.


Miss SunsGossip said...

I thought pro-wrestlers had tons of drug-related problems. Or does that have to do with pain-killer abuse and not steroids?

I agree, that some day the whole steroid thing will just be legal and we'll wonder why it was ever a big deal.

Gangsta D said...

Legalize steroids? My God! What about the children?!?! What would I say to my son (if I had one)?!?

the butler said...

I think they should take back the titles that they scripted him to win in the first place. That would be HILARIOUS!