2nd Annual Guide to Touchdown Dances

I am not a prophet. But if I close my eyes and think kinda hard, sometimes I can predict what Black people are going to do next. We may see a little Cupid Shuffle or Walk it Out, but there is only one dance that will sweep the NFL this season.

It's the Soulja Boy.

Yes, this season will be the season we learn how to scream, "Yuuuuuuah!", and Superman a ho. And the nation will collectively ponder how to supersoak a ho. Because I'm still not sure how that step goes.

The Soulja Boy, of course, has a current rap song of same name to accompany it. The dance is really one of the most ridiculous to emerge in a long time. It is especially complicated. You can only do it to one song. And, furthermore, you can only do it the chorus of the song. You just bounce and look cool during the verses. But it is fun to do, if not exhausting.

The Soulja Boy's complicated nature is precisely why it will be popular in the endzone this season. The whole dance is too long for a touchdown celebration, but players will be able to breakdown the dance and perform something slightly different each time. I wonder which team will have the balls to risk a fine and perform it as a duo or group. The Soulja Boy is actually quite stunning when performed as a group. And when I say "stunning", I mean "ghetto."

The dance has already made some underground appearances at a preseason game at Soldier Field (Get it? Soulja Boy at Soldier Field) and the University of Miami has already embraced the "Yuuuuuuuah!" chant in the song as their own.

Tired of reading and can't wait how to learn to Superman a ho? Here are the instructions for the dance. (Yes, there is a how to video. I told you it was complicated.)



Sebastian the Ibis gets the University of Miami crowd hype doing the Soulja Boy. Note that he can't do the whole dance under the weight of his costume. I bet he came this close to passing out. You gotta hydrate and breathe when you crank the soulja boy.



And just cuz it's funny and bastardizes your childhood... Pooh is my favorite, but there are Dora the Explorer, Lion King, Barney, etc. mashups too. NSFW language.



As always, I present this information to you with the HCIC guarantee that I can do all the dances I present to you. Yuuuuuuah!