Friday, September 14, 2007

Not Impressed

I'm rolling my eyes at you, Roger Goodell.

And when Ben Roethlisberger was on Pardon the Interruption on Wednesday, he rolled his eyes at the mere mention of your name. And it's not every day you can cajole a White boy to roll his eyes.

So, it is what is, Goodell. Ebony and ivory, living in perfect harmony, unanimous in agreement that you're lame. Too chickenshit to punish the New England Patriots the way they deserve to be punished.

Fines? $250K for the Patriots, $500K for Belichick. Oooooh. Big money. For the Patriots, that's barely a day of beer concessions and for Belichick, that's a few speeches on the lecture circuit. Why fine Wade Wilson a third of his salary and fine Belichick his mistress budget? Formula One fined a team $100 million for cheating. I might reconsider driving as a sport if they have cajones to stand up for the integrity of what they do.

First round draft pick? Oh well, I guess the Patriots will be forced to do all their picking in the 6th round where they can settle for gems like Tom Brady.

Furthermore, contingencies? What difference does it make if the Patriots make the playoffs? And since when is the almighty Commissioner concern himself with contingencies? Were Odell Thurman, Michael Vick, Chris Henry, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera, extended contingencies for transgressions that had absolutely nothing to do with the substantive integrity of the game?

(BTW, any team that needs video cameras, holla at your girl. You know the price. And I can get the hook-up! Championships are just $750,000 plus $500 or so for the camera and the tripod.)

Perhaps the Commissioner is growing weary of playing dictator. I know how it went. You're kicking back at home watching the talking heads complaining about all the off the field distractions in the league. You think to yourself that I'm going to lay the smackdown on a couple of knuckleheads nobody cares about and I will be praised for my leadership.

But the distractions didn't stop.

Then the distractions became all anybody is talking about. Then the distractions branched out beyond anonymous knuckleheads to legitimate superstars. You convinced yourself that the death penalty was a deterrent to crime. But it's not.

And the incidents didn't stop.

And now the people are muttering "dictator" under their breath when you fancy yourself a skilled politician. You go gladhanding to the media and the players.

Still, the incidents don't stop.

Somebody's committing a crime, doping up or cheating every day it seems. You quietly cut back on the severity of suspensions, writing long letters about why you didn't do this and why you instead did that.

But it's gone too far at this point. You've made the players and media suspicious, you've eroded the value of the fans' season tickets and now you've finally gotten the owners attention. I'm sure some AFC owners know where they stand after you've so severely punished the team that dashed so many championship dreams. And the group you sought to please in the first place - the media - will turn on you. They'll complain about how soft you went on the Patriots.

Belichick will haunt you all season instead of Vick.

And I would feel sorry for you, but you brought it on yourself. Commissioner, were you the only person that didn't know this would end badly?


Miranda said...

But honestly....we shouldn't have expected anymore than this. A few from the mainstream media will pretend like they're outraged today - so they can move one by Monday...the rest will all tout the "its stiff but fair" line....while the players are mumbling about real fairness. The plantation system remains intact. All's fair in the world. Play ball.

Anonymous said...

Thurman Thomas???????

Nos said...

I still think Goodell should have made the Patriots sign and start Vinny Testaverde on Sunday night.

Jarrett Carter said...

Paging Scoop Jackson. Scoop Jackson, if you are available, please respond with a well meaning, yet incoherent column.

JEB said...

You hit the nail squarely on the head!
What a limp slap on the wrist. Pathetic. Take a leaf out of the Formula One playbook. 100 big smackaroos, now that would've hurt Kraft or any of his big fat at owner colleagues. 250K? That's like getting a parking ticket.....

Sportsbruh said...

THANK GOD the Patriots Cheated and kicked poor Micheal Vick to the curb like last years fat ho. Unfortunately for the Patriots and Beli-Cheat, The MEDIA isn't going to let this slide. You have 31 teams that wants what the Patriots have. CHAMPIONSHIPS. Don't think for a second they are going to let Goodell/Belicheat live in peace this year. They could care less about their racist hatred for a Grandstanding Talented-yet non-Championship winning black quarterback. They HATE the Patriots more. Here's (raises cranberry-juice) to MORE Patriot' Bashing all season long.

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