Tuesday, September 18, 2007

State of the Falcons (Still Holding On To the Past)

The Falcons are very, very bad. The offensive genius Coach Petrino has amassed a total of 10 points for the season. Joey Harrington still can't read the defenses and holds the ball for an eternity. He got sacked 7 times for his trouble. That's the only stat he improved on from last week. Well, actually 7 sacks instead of 6 is not technically an improvement. In the end, we lost 13-7 to the Jacksonville Jaguars.

And our trip to Jacksonville comes full circle as it was announced today that the Falcons signed former Jaguars quarterback Byron Leftwich to a two year deal. Leftwich is better than Harrington, but he is merely a faux number 7.

The real number 7, Michael Vick, was the best quarterback in the world. No, I'm not just saying that out of romantic revisionist wistfulness. It's true. Now, our real quarterback is sitting on his ass making an audition tape for I Love New York 2.

It's not easy to get on reality TV, especially a show as classy as I Love New York.
But Mike is desperate for a woman to hold him down. If he had a, ahem, passionate woman such as Tiffany a/k/a New York, Mike might not have found himself involved in that dogfighting mess. But it won't be easy to get to a pearl like New York. You've got to be a "character". You've got to have a catch phrase. You've got to emulate the greats like Pumkin. You've got to spit. You've got to overdramatize. Mike is committed to making his mark on celebreality.

"You're a whore. Peace!"

No, Mike thought. You've got to put a little bit of umph in it.

"YOU'RE a whore. Peace!"

"You're a WHORE. Peace!"

"You're a whore. PEACE!"

Aw, shit. Too much talk about "peace" makes Mike think of that mofo Purnell who snitched on him. But Mike is determined to do something positive with his downtime. He doesn't care that there's a midget in the cast. He'll hurl that runt out of the house almost as fast as Mike scrambled out of the pocket in the Georgia Dome.

Looking back, I can't remember a single misthrown pass, a single interception, a single bad scramble, a single injury or any bad decisions at all on Michael Vick's part. He was perfect. Now he's gone. We had Eminem. Now we've got Vanilla Ice.

No, this is not a tall tale. It's just a sad story about the state of the Falcons.

12 comments:

Miranda said...

I moved to Atlanta the summer of 2001....I remember rooting for FSU in that 2000 Sugar Bowl and wondering who the hell was that running all over the top ranked college defense in the country..where the hell is Virginia Tech?? LOL....and I made the Falcons my team solely because of THE #7.......and I realize now, my loyalty is fickle...no Vick...no Front Office support...no Falcon fan anymore...I dont'care what he did.

DP said...

Byron Leftwich will die a horrible death behind that horrendous line.

He deserves better.

Miranda said...

I agree dp...Leftwich deserves MUCH better than this. I wish him the best of luck because he certainly will need it.

The HCIC said...

The only question is whether Vick will get retroactive credit for the crappy team he had to play with. Vick singlehandedly sent a lot of dudes to the Pro Bowl. None of them will be seeing Hawaii again.

Miranda said...

HCIC,
people with sense were giving Vick that credit all along...but I think Joey will send even more dudes to the Probowl....they'll all be on the opposing teams in the division...but nonetheless, I see some defensive players looking forward to playing the Falcons...I know their wives and girlfriends are.

GrandNubian said...

LOL@Miranda....

I agree, Joey will send quite a few to Hawaii in 2008.

I still can't sell my season tix. At this point, I probably can't give them away either.

Miranda said...

Eww...grandnubian,
I'm so sorry...I know a bunch of season ticket holders who thought that the Thanksgiving game would be there Xmas money this year...its a real shame.

grandnubian said...

Yeah, add another to the list who thought the Pranksgiving game would be his X-mas money.

Miranda said...

"Pransgiving"....LOL!! Sorry to laugh at your pain..lol

Sportsbruh said...

Damn girl you got a Jones. Do Vick know how much you love him? Send him your blog so he can put you on his visitor/commissary list when he hits the big house. If you lucky enough, he just might marry you and you can get conjucial visits. LOL!!!!!!

Miranda said...

This team officially makes me sick.

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