Monday, October 08, 2007

State of the Falcons - Week 5

Guess we know who spent their bye week at the strip club (cough, Vince!). The Titans looked lethargic and lackadaisical like they wanted the Falcons to win. Still, the Falcons lost! There are not enough Titans turnovers in the day apparently.

The Falcons tried their crazy best. They faked a punt. DeAngela Hall played like he was a free agent. He intercepted for a TD and almost intercepted another pass.

But the Falcons got in their own way, of course. Offensive lineman Wayne Gandy was hurt and is likely out for the season.

And then there was the inexplicable introduction of Byron Leftwich.

Joey looked so sad on the sidelines when he was suddenly replaced at the start of the fourth quarter. "Any time you get pulled it's frustrating," he said. "It's not something you enjoy."

"I want to be this team's starter, but if Coach makes the decision the other way, I'm going to support this team," said Harrington. "I've been through worse before."

Today, Coach Petrino confirmed that Harrington will remain the starting quarterback for now.

Joey may have been replaced during the game because he threw an interception to Vincent Fuller that was returned for a touchdown. Why the panic? Like this was the first time Joey had ever thrown for a touchdown... I thought we were treated for this. If Joey Harrington interceptions are herpes, game strategery should be the Valtrex that doesn't cure, but prevents flare ups.

Still, Byron Leftwich looked ecstatic beyond belief when he got into the game.. I think he was dancing when he came up to the line of scrimmage. Do you know what was funny about Leftwich getting the call? He hasn't taken a single practice snap with the first team offense. I find that to be HILARIOUS! Leftwich said:

"That was the first time I was in there with the first-team offense with the Atlanta Falcons, ever, and it was great to be out there. You would love to hopefully have that week to prepare to go out and play, but we'll see. Hopefully, I can get out there and play some football. I'd be lying to you if I said I didn't want to play some football."

So now the Falcons have a full blown quarterback controversy.

And now the veteran players hate the offensive genius Bobby Petrino. DeAngela Hall is the head chick in charge. Apparently his coach hating cooties have infected the room. Alge Crumpler suggested an “agenda” that is minimizing the roles of veterans in the offense, while increasing the roles of younger players to prepare them for the future.

Eh... Save your complaints. They'll be plenty more to be unhappy about as the season continues.

There would be no quarterback controversy if Michael Vick wasn't headed to the pokey. He was the best quarterback in the world. No, I'm not just saying that out of romantic revisionist wistfulness. It's true.

Michael Vick is chaperoning the local high school homecoming dance this week. Everything went fine, although he's not sure why so many kids asked him where to score weed. How the fuck is he supposed.. Oh... Damn bracelet. It's a dead giveaway. Some of the kids weren't so nice. Some knuckleheads had a lot of woof woof dead dog jokes. A couple of them had to be popped upside the head. "I'm still fast, little muthafucka. Don't write checks your ass can't cash", Vick was forced to yell more than once as he rapped an alternative school punk across the back of the head more than once. No biggie, though. The kids soulja boyed to their hearts content and Vick was able to serve some community service before his curfew.

Looking back, I can't remember a single misthrown pass, a single interception, a single bad scramble, a single injury or any bad decisions at all on Michael Vick's part. He was perfect. Now he's gone. See you on Monday night.


Sportsdiva said...

Classic dirty bird review as always HCIC!! Great stuff and he was the best EVER. I appreciate you not letting them forget. I knew that was Vinny I saw at the 'City of Magic'! I just knew it! Anytime you can work a herpes metaphor into a football assessment...well, pure genius! LMBAO

Jarrett Carter said...

Our homeboy Leftwich is talking like he literally just wants to play some football.

Like, go to a local party and run a seven-on-seven real quick.

Miranda said...

Well...the arbitrator just said the Falcons are owed $20M.....I hope they now lose every game for the next 5 years.

JJ said...

Thank you Miranda. That ruling is bullshit 'cause a good portion of that money was roster and playing bonuses from 2004 - 2006. What the hell? He already fulfilled the obligations for that cash.

The hang up seems to be that the team claimed what amounted as roster and playing bonuses as "signing bonus" money so that allows them to go after it.

But that's bullshit. The 2007 money I get but that other shit...Falcons can GO TO HELL!

And I think VIck is a Jackass....

Miranda said...

the irony in that is the roster bonus money was converted to a signing bonus in order to give the Falcons some cap money in 2005 & 2006 - basically Vick agreed to that in order to HELP the Falcons and now they are screwing him with that very clause. I hope the Dome from hear on out for the next decade is half empty at best.

MCBias said... Your man is resorting to the written word for communication; is TO a future blogger? :-)

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