Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Crocodile Tears: Lisa Leslie Cries For No Reason

When I saw Lisa Leslie cry after the girlfight between the LA Sparks and the Detroit Shock, I instinctively knew a couple of things.

One. Rick Mahorn would get suspended for longer than he deserved. He made contact with Lisa Leslie, but not with malice. But I knew Lisa's tearful whimpers would get him more punishment than he deserved.

Two. Lisa's tears weren't tantamount to general attention by the American public. Like a wife crying to her husband for the umpteenth time , "Oh, honey, you don't understand me..." Just another case of crocodile tears as far as most of us are concerned.

I'm not sure why Lisa was crying in the first place. A fight in the midst of sporting competition is not sad. The AIDS epidemic in Africa is sad. Mariah Carey's insistence on dressing like a 13 year old girl is sad. There's nothing sad about spontaneous physical combustion in the heat of battle. Contrary to what most analysts choose to proclaim, I, a sports fan, love a good fight.

Frankly, the WNBA blew a good opportunity.

From what I saw, the WNBA ladies fight better than they dunk. I legitimately held my breath as I prayed that no tracks got pulled out during the dust up. Nobody wants to see hair all over the court. But, still, I only saw the fight because the channel was left on Mike and Mike from the morning. That's the sad, sad attention threshold that the WNBA faces. Mike and Mike. The league needs to be honest about that.

Despite the fisticuffs and the singular attention the league got for a moment, the WNBA fight was replaced the very next day with a minor league baseball brawl. And very little columnist wordcount was devoted to the fight. In the coming days, women's sports will be mentioned, but the WNBA will have little to do with it. Instead the talk will be Olympic women's sports. Swimming, volleyball, even dressage. And as little attention as we pay to the WNBA, fight or no, dressage is barely a sport at all.

I'm not saying the WNBA should change it's name to UFC Femme, but they should have embraced a more sophisticated approach for keeping the girlfight story going. Tears and "we don't want that kind of attention" is not enough. Real talk. They league needs the attention. And, no, stunt casting with Nancy Lieberman making a comeback as a 50 year old is not better than attention from a fight.

WNBAers like Lisa Leslie and league president, Donna Orender, moaned that the league didn't want to be known for violence. The WNBA has their moral superiority and basketball fundamentals, but no audience.

Beggars can't be choosers.

Friday, July 18, 2008

Fashion Round Up - 2008 ESPYs

First, a moment of silence for the most recent victims of Grandpa Chic.

Matt Leinart stops at the Espys on the way to read a bedtime story to his grandkids and Brady Quinn stops off before shuffleboard with the seniors on the lido deck. Guys, you're still young! If I see another goddamn sweater in the summertime...

Paul Pierce throws up his gang signs, per his custom. That doesn't mean "peace." It's the sign for the very dangerous and notorious Bowler Hat Gang. The BHG runs the streets, yo. Don't let him catch you slippin' with a derby or fedora on. The commissioner won't be able to save you.

Paul's the very reason why the NFLers are being monitored for gang activity now. If Braylon Edwards can't wear colors or throw signs, he will wear glitter! Braylon can't make up his mind. Is he a bedazzled rat packer? Is he a world champion wrestler? (look at the belt)

And he is feeling himself in this ridiculous get up. Here's a bonus pic so you can keep laughing at/be seduced by this sparkly clown.

Kate Walsh is happy to stand next to Terrell Owens in his white shawl collared jacket over gray shadow striped pants.

Rajon Rondo does his best imitation of T.O.'s white trimmed jacket. However, Rondo is no T.O. The jacket is too big, but he just doesn't have the build and height to pull off a look with so many elements.

Lisa Leslie will dunk on you, then take your order. Would you like a fork or chopsticks with that?

I think Candace is tempted to pat Helio on the top of his head. Not only is this picture hilarious, but Candace Parker looks great, especially for a 18 foot tall woman.

Steve Nash is very nattily dressed in three piece plaid. Samuel L. is part of the Bowler Hat Gang too.

Greg Oden gets his Kanye West/Retarded Ray Charles on.

Shaun Phillips commissioned a satin suit. That suit reflects so much sunlight, I think he could be a potential solution to the energy crisis. Al Gore would give this look two thumbs up.

Venus was the best dressed woman at the event.

The Beckhams make it look easy for the rest of the fashion challenged suckers on the carpet. Love the spread collar on Dave.

**** Bonus points for counting the number of white shoes on grown men in this post. The number is disturbing.

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

And So It Begins...

The 2008 Espys have been taped and there was plenty of fashion foolishness at hand. But before the show even began in earnest, the tone was set.

Terrell "Birdman" Owens

I mean, really? WTF?

And, ladies and gentlemen, Jacksonville Jaguars wide receiver Reggie Williams. He is going to war for fashion I suppose. It's just unfortunate that the camouflage doesn't succeed in concealing him.

There will be a complete review of the fashion foolishness from the show imminently.

An Emerging Epidemic

In my last post, I cited a fashion "trend" that emerged at the NBA draft that I dubbed "Grandpa Chic." Sweater vests are an important part of the Grandpa Chic trend. So is anything that might sell well in Boca Raton or appear in the Best Values section of the JC Penney catalog. I hoped the trend was just a temporary misstep of the yunguns. I was in denial like Al Reynolds.

Two of the most typically dependable sports fashionistas - Dwyane Wade and Alonzo Mourning - get their Grandpa on at Zo's Summer Groove this past weekend.

But being the fashion forward types that they are, they up the ante on Grandpa Chic. Alonzo rocks the cheesy Hawaiian shirt. And both Zo and Dwyane rock the old man belt at their respective natural waists.

And, as Reggie Bush reveals, getting all booed up ages you.

Where is his swagger? Kim K looks her age, but Reggie threw on the first clean sweater vest he found on the floor of his closet. Something tells me Reggie left this party early so he could get to bed. That's what a Grandpa would do.