Ohio State Has Already Lost

The fashion game, that is.

I was promised hot, exciting new uniforms with the new Nike System of Dress that Ohio State, Florida, Arizona and Syracuse debuted in the NCAA conference tourneys. I was promised skin tight jerseys ten inches narrower in torso. I was promised pecs and guns. I was promised a fashion revolution.




Instead, I got this.



Only a slightly more fitted jersey and shorts so large and out of proportion with the jersey that they look like skirts. They might as wear crinoline slips. I am underwhelmed.

Basketball uniforms have to be the worst designed uniform in terms of performance. Who wears loose fitting uniforms anymore? Form fitting is the way to go. They wick away moisture better, are aerodynamically superior and do a whole bunch of other cool scientific crap.

The players already wear the spandex underneath the uniforms, so what's the holdup? If David Stern is open to other performance related modifications to the game like changing the ball, uniforms should definitely be on the table. At least offer form fitting uniforms as an alternate. I bet that show off Kobe would wear it. He thinks he's so pretty.

What's really disappointing about these uniforms not being embraced by the men was that I hoped it would help open the door to different womens' uniforms. It is just ridiculous that female basketball players don't dress like women. I was praying the men's skin tight uniforms would shame the women into wearing more flattering uniforms. Female tennis players don't dress like dudes. Female volleyball players wear bikinis, not shorts. And frankly, women's basketball should be doing anything it can to attract eyeballs. The lady players could even wear different styles in the same color so they would have an option that flattered different body types. If it's good enough for bridesmaids, it should be good enough for lady ballers.



So, thanks for nothing, Ohio State. You've ruined my fashion vision. That's while I'll be cheering for the better dressed team.