Upgrade U?

Technically, Jay-Z is an NBA owner. So, technically, Jayhova comings and goings constitute sports news.

I helped fuel speculation that Jigga and Beyonce's relationship was due in part to contract stipulations in both their agreements with the New Jersey Nets. However, Hov has the most to lose if Jayonce (or Bey-Z, take your pick) can't maintain their courtside appearnaces.

So is Hova auditioning her replacement?

Thursday night, Young Hov appeared courtside at the New Jersey Nets... with pop singer, Rihanna. Word on the street is that she and S Dot were sitting side by side at the game until they noticed photos being taken. You may notice the striking resemblance to Ms. Knowles. Or recall her similar booty shake videos. But what makes this appearance between Pon Di Forehead and Young H.O. particularly egregious is that Shawn Carter and Rihanna have been the subject of rumors for a while. I can't imagine that B enjoyed seeing her Jigga "man" photographed with another beautiful singer. Maybe she should sue Rihanna for tortious interfernce with a contract?

Maybe J can replace B, but he can't upgrade her. Rihanna is young, hot and Bajan, but no Beyonce. On the other hand, B is not in the same situation. She can upgrade easily. Maybe she'll go back and watch game tape of Jennifer Lopez to break down how that's done.

Still, S Dot Carter is an NBA owner of a different stripe. He is much more interesting than those silly owners being fined for talking about a 19 year old dude.

(Thirteen aliases were used to refer to a single person in this article. Hooray!)

To the Left? Not Until the Nets Say So

You wouldn't know it by their sub .500 record, but the New Jersey Nets are serious - about keeping Jay-Z and Beyonce together.

There is ongoing speculation that Jay-Z and Beyonce have broken up. He was not with her at The Oscars or the SI swimsuit party. So why were they together courtside during All Star Weekend? The most reliable website in the world is reporting that the New Jersey Nets are forcing Jay-Z and Beyonce to stay together.

According to the insider, "both [Jay Z] and Beyonce are legally obligated to attend a certain amount of Nets games together each season." The insider continues, "[Jay Z] signed on in exchange for a percentage ownership of the NJ Nets ... Beyonce [signed the contract] in exchange for her mother's company being granted the exclusive right to design the [Nets] cheerleader uniforms."

And the Nets interest in their relationship?

Part of the reason the Nets organization made this deal, tells our insider, is so that it could charge a premium for the arena's priciest seats. MediaTakeOut.com has learned that a pair of floor seats that cost $1200 per game just last year, now cost $3500. And according to our insider, that dramatic increase is directly attributable to what he calls the Bey Z effect. He explains, "Rich people love being around celebrities, and they're willing to pay extra to do so."

According to the insider, "both [Jay Z] and Beyonce are legally obligated to attend a certain amount of Nets games together each season." The insider continues, "[Jay Z] signed on in exchange for a percentage ownership of the NJ Nets ... Beyonce [signed the contract] in exchange for her mother's company being granted the exclusive right to design the [Nets] cheerleader uniforms."

Actually, this could be true. NBA franchises start in the 9 figures. Rap doesn't pay like that, lol. I'm sure Jay-Z's celebrity status had more than a little bit to do with his ownership stake. Remember when Usher used to be an owner of the Cleveland Cavaliers? That arrangement was mysteriously dissolved. Is Nelly still involved with the Charlotte Bobcats?

Well, anyhow, Jayonce better listen. They don't want Stern to get involved. Jay-Z is a walking dress code violation. And Beyonce? She just needs to cover up. Okay, well maybe even David wouldn't take it that far... He's got to love those baby makin' hips just as much as the next red-blooded American.

It's Sports Related

Beyonce is the covergirl for the 2007 SI swimsuit issue? Frankly, I'm underwhelmed. The swimsuit issue has traditionally been a way to propel a girl under the radar into the model stratosphere. B looks nice enough, but what's the point? Does she need more exposure? I would have rather had a new model to appreciate. I could get carpal tunnel typing out a list of models who could've killed that cover. I bet Noeme Lenoir is ready to cut a bitch. Whadya think?

If you like your swimsuit issues naughty, this may be more up your alley.

Hot Chick of the Moment

I know ya'll love this 25 year old 32 year old bitch. Buy her House of Dereon jeans. Go see "Dreamgirls." Support this bitch. Ass like that is not free. Your enthusiastic support may be rewarded with a King Magazine layout....

Larry Johnson Hollering at Beyonce?

Not to be outdone by fly by night newbie Tony Romo, Kansas City Chiefs running back Larry Johnson may be claiming his dream girl. There is a vicious Internet rumor that Larry Johnson is hollering at Beyonce. The above picture was taken at Larry's birthday party last Friday. Yes, Jay-Z was there. And Larry is signed to Team Roc. However, Larry and B were reportedly engaged in long, intimate conversation. The pictures don't lie. I see chemistry. They both seemed to be quite pleased to be invading each other's personal space (I love the lean-in, Larry). And B's sister, Solange, has already demonstrated the Knowles family preference for football players by getting hitched to Daniel Smith (extremely fine, but waived by the Carolina Panthers in August). B could reaffirm her big dog status in the family by pulling an athlete that actually has a career.

B does love the football players. The hot guy in her current video, "Irreplaceable," is former football player, Bobby Roache. I am not surprised that his continued services were needed at the American Music Awards last week.

Beyonce has been having a rough time of it lately. Supposedly, rapper Nas dissed her because she has bad breath. She hates that Jennifer Hudson is getting more shine than her in "Dreamgirls." And her so-called "boyfriend" left her in a car for 40 MINUTES while he attended his album release party. Maybe B could use the comforts of LJ right about now. Step in, LJ! Be her "friend."

So, who knows if there is any truth to this rumor. But I say all the athletes should have the girl of their dreams, if only in our imaginations. Tony Romo and Larry Johnson, enjoy the holidays.